Lately, I have written a great deal about creating new dreams. As I have been feeling a bit of grief over the death of an old dream, I thought I’d touch on this important process, today.
As most of you know, I have moved from Nashville to South Florida, changed my business, moved on from a divorce, now live around most of my immediate family, started a support group for spiritual gay men, and began to learn Spanish as a second language. This all has overwhelmed me, most days, so much so that I rarely have time for grief. But, the last week, I have found myself sleeping whenever I can and very listless, which has led me to ask Spirit and my own body what’s going on.
I have written about self-inquiry before. This is the process of asking your self about a pain, a symptom, or a specific feeling, then waiting for an answer in meditation or in the synchronicities of life. So, this is exactly what I had been doing for a week now.
A couple of times in the past week, I had a new friend ask me, point-blank: “Are you feeling depressed over lost love or something? You seem really depressed.”
I responded quickly: “No, of course not. I didn’t even cry when my last boyfriend decided to move on. I’m actually starting to feel that I’m giving up on the idea of ever finding a person to love and to marry!”
Then, it hit me. My eyes welled with tears. I realized that I had been grieving my dream of marriage and true love for almost a week, without even realizing it! I wasn’t depressed. I was simply grieving an old dream, which is a healthy process, in my estimation.
The truth, and it’s a hard one to admit, is that I have tried so many times to create relationship in my life. I have met lots of really wonderful people, but in the end, sometimes after years, I’m still alone. Maybe, the difference is from then and now is that, now, I’m not lonely about it.
I have so much to live for. But, at one point in the past year, I began to discern how much energy I have put into finding and maintaining an intimate relationship. If I had wasted this much energy in the stock market, I would be living under a bridge, right now.
A few weeks ago, I decided, I was going to just spend time doing what was in front of me, which was plenty. I would only invest in what was feeding my soul. With that thought, the death of that old dream of relationship arose without me seeing it.
So, I spent the last couple of days hulled up, alone, and pretending I was sick, so that none of my family would try to undo what I needed to go through. (Family tends to try to fix, when, sometimes, a wound just needs to bleed to purify before it heals.) This is certainly my process.
Today, I woke up feeling refreshed and with new energy. Just the awareness of why I felt so listless has helped in the process of healing. Now, when I feel an old lump in my throat rise from letting go of the past, I’ll simply take a moment to grieve. It’s that simple. Human life, sometimes, is about letting go to make room for more abundance and greater things unimaginable to our human minds.
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Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]
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