Have you ever been in a relationship, where you had to be careful about everything you said or did? One wrong word would send your lover or mother into a tailspin or an angry tirade? I believe this type of person may be manipulating you with passive-aggressive behavior. If so, then here are some steps to remedy the situation.
First of all, figure out if the person is, indeed, using your fear of his/her anger to manipulate your behavior. Here are some questions below to ask yourself:
- Is this person’s behavior bully-like when he/she gets angry?
- Does this person fly off on bitter tangents at certain word cues or actions you do?
- Does this person threaten you with his/her own demise or leave (for instance, threaten that he/she will hurt himself if you continue the behavior)?
- Does this person threaten you with harm?
- How psychologically stable on a scale of 1-10 is this person, with 10 being very unstable?
If you answered yes to two of the above questions and the person is 6 or above on the psychology table, you have a manipulative person with some psychological issues keeping you walking on eggshells. This person is usually a family member or a partner, using your close relationship to manipulate you into behavior that is palatable to him/her. This needs to be remedied! You deserve to have an opinion without having to be yelled at, argued with, or spurned.
An example of this kind of behavior might be:
You have a husband who has taught you—by behavior modification—that every time you try to resolve the issue of why you are not having regularly sexual relations, by flying off of the handle with anger.
Your husband may be too embarrassed to talk, doesn’t want to deal with his sexual dysfunction, or is having an affair and wants to keep you from the pertinent information that might give you some clues to his misbehavior.
The social, verbal, or physical act that could trigger this kind of Post Traumatic-like stress usually causes the partner or family member to get so angry that he or she (and you) are unable to really resolve anything. Usually, the irrational behavior doesn’t compare to the normal situation or conversation. Also, this person may using your history of bad behavior to keep you from doing anything “bad” again.
In either of these cases, the only way to work on the situation is to get into therapy and resolve your issues, first. Probably stemming from your past parental or relationship issues, your anxiety about being abandoned leads you to tolerate being manipulated by this person. So, ultimately, you have to find help before you can understand the relationship breakdown with this person.
You may indeed be perpetuating the problem. But, you will never know unless you get into therapy or Life Coaching. In my Life Coaching business (check out the advertisement below), many clients come seeking advice about how to handle situations that involve other people’s bad behavior.
Of course there are steps to helping you immediately. But, ultimately, the initial movement forward in helping this kind of situation is to understand the problem with your attraction to it.
No one should be walking on eggshells in any relationship. Don’t let your life be stymied by someone’s psychological problems. You can learn to be stronger than that person. You are made of the essence of Spirit God. You already have the wisdom and guidance to find your way through it and beyond it.
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Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]
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