When I was a child my parents argued incessantly. Every night after my brother, four sisters, and I would hit the sack the deluge of hate hit the fan. I remember thinking; I will never argue when I get older. In fact, I was well into my third relationship before I ever got angry enough to fight back, and that came only as a result of near abusive behavior. I say all of this because I have never really understood the art of argument. Are we actually trying to convince others to believe the way we do? Or are we clarifying our own beliefs?
Yesterday, I shared a poignant, but funny story about gay rights that Jon Stewart said on his television show on my Facebook page. Personally, I find Jon funny and generally on the side of human rights. However, one of my Facebook followers did not like the comment and was very verbose about it. One of my other dear friends must have felt the need to kick his ass, because she laid into him with a storm of triumphant, well thought-out facts that should have shut him up. However, he didn’t want to be wrong. He couldn’t be wrong, it seemed. So, I thought, my assumption about arguments was correct.
This morning and deep into the night, my mind wandered into the ethers and imagined a world without arguments and opinions. I didn’t like that world at all. One great asset about living in America is that we have the right to fight for what we believe, stand strong, protest, and even change laws and statutes that are unfair.
The personal fear about arguing has some PTSD attached to it. I remember one night after my father argued with my mother, he said, “I’m going to go shoot myself!” Minutes later, I heard him descend into the basement and then—a horrifying gunshot blasted through the house. Silence lingered for what seemed like forever, before my mother and my eldest brother went to investigate. My father didn’t kill himself, but he did shoot a hole into the basement wall, which he denied doing his entire life, leaving me to believe I had made up the story in my mind.
So, you can see why I don’t like arguing. However, I have learned that a debate with proper and safe boundaries is a good thing when I need to voice my opinion and share my deepest beliefs to someone who doesn’t share mine. I realize, however, proceeding into any dispute that my goal is simply to be heard. I never try to convince someone of any fact that I believe. When we go beyond expressing our authentic self to expect someone to see our rational, we miss the point of a good argument. The next time you find yourself debating an issue, think this thought: All I choose to do here is speak my truth! Then, let your passion flow! The only time I have ever seen someone change his/her mind about anything is when the opinion shared was heartfelt and nonargumentative.
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Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]
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