The Secret

The Secret

What’s the first thing that happens when someone tells you a secret? They ask you to promise not to tell it.

Immediately, you begin to wonder who you could tell the secret to without getting in trouble. We are not meant to keep secrets. We are not vaults that store information. We share things. We share emotions. When someone tells me they have something horrible to tell me and that I have to promise not to tell anyone, the first thing I think about is: I have to know what it is. The second thing I think about is, whom can I tell this to that has no connection to this person, so I can get the burden off of my chest.

It’s a terrible thing I’m telling you. If you are one of my close friends, know this about me. I’m a horrible secret keeper. I really try hard to be the best friend and most loving and compassionate, but I usually end up telling someone innocuous, like my mother or a friend in NYC, someone that just would have no reason to spread the news any further.

I got some news about a three people today that has given me trouble digesting all evening. What do you do with information that just makes you want to throw-up the past year and make you want to start over? I’ve learned secrets about friends, lovers, people in my past that I just don’t know how to process. I wonder why all this information came to me today.

“So, Mr. Life Coach, what is it that you would tell your client about a day like today that you could tell yourself?”

What is Spirit trying to tell you? Have you been hiding yourself from the truth that has been staring you in the face all this time? And why have you been hiding from the truth? Are you needing relationships with these people so badly that you would simply look the other way when there are glaring signs of relationship problems staring you in the face?

The truth is: yes!

Ever since I was a little boy I have been the one who was picked on and picked last, who had to try the hardest to be liked, and had to be the smartest to be noticed. So, now in life, I sometimes pick people who wouldn’t normally choose me as a friend or a partner. The most handsome, the prettiest, the one with the television show, the one who has the most degrees… Then I show them my best hand. After which—when they begin to lose interest—I work harder to be a better friend. I always go the extra distance.

God, I have been that person who strives to be everybody’s best friend and to be the popular kid’s friends since I was in high school. Now, all grown up, when I have wonderful, loving friends who mean the world to me and are equally loving back, I still sometimes choose the same kind of people to maintain that old drama in my life.

My hairstylist said it to me tonight. Out of the mouth of a sarcastic, funny man, slapping color on my head and clipping my foot-long eyebrows. He says, “You just turn a blind eye to people’s faults, because you want them in your life.” When he said it, it cut like a knife, because I knew it was God speaking through him.

It was so true, that even tonight I’m feeling sick to my stomach, because now I know why for the last few months, I have had to purge my life of many “so called” friends who have been sucking the life and energy out of me.

It’s because I never chose these friends with Spirit and love and compassion. I never chose these friends because life and consequence brought us together. I chose them because I thought they would make me look better or be better to be around them. I’m ashamed to admit it. But now, I’m even more discontent that the very thing that I thought would help me has hindered my Authentic Growth and now I have to let go completely.

My secret is out in the open. Love is personal touch and personal touch is love. When you don’t get back what you return, there is no reason to maintain friendships that are unequal. Move on. Too many people exist who are willing to be there for us and nurture us. Why would we settle for anything less than a true, compassionate, authentic friend? There is no greater gift in the world!