Process Addiction/Behavior Addiction What’s the Difference? #processaddiction #addiction #SpiritualPrinciple #psychology #spirituality

Most people consider addictions as involving a chemical, such as drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. However, process addiction is a compulsive behavior, such as sexual addiction or online gambling. This process usually begins by trying to satisfy a simple human desire such as loneliness.

When suddenly you get attention as a sexual human being, perhaps, your loneliness dissipates for a while. So, the compulsion begins by discovering that a certain behavior takes away your loneliness (for example).

The problem occurs when the loneliness comes back and the person involved is unable to face his or her human feelings, but is much more interested in covering up the feeling with the process. Eventually, this becomes a process addiction. This could be gambling, spending, a hobby, overworking, sex, or fantasy computer games. The difference is that process addiction does not necessarily involve an addictive chemical, but could possibly be both.

Any addiction becomes apparent when you realize that you are neglecting your own self, your health, your work, and even your family to maintain your activity. You find yourself hiding the process because you are afraid that someone will take the one thing away that gives you happiness and takes away the pain of loneliness.

This definition came up in one of my Spiritual Warriors meetings recently. The reason why I had not focused in on this particular disorder is because most of us (including me) have processes in our lives we often use to cover our boredom and loneliness. They may not be as severe as addictions, but they are indeed on the road to addiction, if overused.

Almost everyone, if you think about it, could be an addict if they overused a chemical like alcohol. But, most of us, know how to stop or realize when the behavior has become overwhelming. Then, we seek help. This is generalized healthy behavior. The distinction between what is compulsive and what is not is truly not up to the individual though. I am certain that there are many more addicts out there than anyone would like to admit. Simply because the addict has not hit rock bottom or has not gotten in trouble because of his or her addiction, does not mean that this person is not a compulsive or behavior addict.

A great many gay men in my age range (40-65) started out believing that we were different at a very young age. But, then, we were not only different, our sexual proclivity was considered wrong and bad. So, we had no one to talk to about our first crush or our first sexual experience. We had to hide our loneliness, and in turn, hide our sexual compulsions as well. All of this had led many gay people to process abuse and often substance abuse, as well.

My goal in writing about this is to simply begin a conversation about how “NOT OBSERVING YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR” can result in denying addictions, specifically process addictions.

For example, it is far too easy for any person, specifically men, to feel lonely and pay for someone to touch, comfort, and have sex with them. Many places exist that are specifically designed for men who want the occasional sexual tryst outside of commitment or marriage. These places for straight men are called massage parlors, and for gay men are called bathhouses.

I do not stand in judgment of any behavior or action someone does to keep them from feeling pain. However, eventually, one has to see that the story does not end at the sexual experience. Soon, the loneliness will become overbearing, and no amount of sex or shopping or gambling will be enough. Then, what happens?

Eventually, that person will have to look at him- or herself and feel the pain of whatever is going on inside of his or her minds and bodies. Then, if possible, reach out for some help.

If you are no privy to places that can help addiction, simply go online and look up your particular process addiction and type in the name of your city. You will find a bevy of groups that can help you sort out and direct you to the help that you may need.

Continue looking for more information on this as this is the first of a series of blogs about addiction. We will also look at how spirituality is the leading help for any addiction.

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This year, if you desire to commit to a change for a New Year’s Resolution, do it with your MIND first. Remember, as in the title of my new book coming out just in time to help you with this (in January)… lol… that all change happens in your mind, first. You must change your Old Story, to make a consistent and long lasting change in Your Life.

Please be looking for “YOUR NEW STORY, YOUR NEW LIFE, Unlock Your Seven Spiritual Discoveries” in bookstores and in online bookstores in January 2016!

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Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I've been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you'll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

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A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

Old Sexual Fantasies—Caught Off-Guard by the Past

Old Sexual Fantasies—Caught Off-Guard by the Past

(This blog is definitely PG and directed toward people with fantasy addiction. If you do not want to experience the harsh truth about this subject, I wouldn’t recommend this read.)

I caught myself fantasizing about something… I’m not going to tell you the subject—yet. In that moment I realized that the fantasy was an old one, one that had started at a young age and protected me from the harsh reality of my abusive childhood.

So, I did some self-inquiry about the fantasy. “Do you really want ____, Bo?” “Would ________ bring you peace, Bo?” “Are you unhappy? Is that why you find yourself fantasizing about old thoughts, Bo?”

Notice, I use my name when I do self-inquiry. This personal usage asserts that I address my ego self with my observer mind.

Self-inquiry also allows your highest self to ask your body and mind exactly what it feels without judgment. You may address a sexual need or hunger by saying: “Are you really hungry, Body?” “Isn’t sex three times a week enough for you, Body?”

Do you see the difference between inquiring about a thought and inquiring about a physical feeling or urge, in the examples above? The first inquiry to a fantasy would be conjured by the ego mind, because the ego mind is where all of the data is stored from your past. Every attachment in your life, even your fantasies were taken in and processed by the deductive mind. The second kind of inquiry would be to the physical body and its urges.

Here is an example of fantasy addiction: I have a few sexually addicted clients who use pornography, specifically, one or two minutes of a particular movie to alleviate their sexual needs. This small portion of the movie often portrays a certain proclivity toward an obtuse sexual fantasy. Because the addict programs his mind with the same scenario over and over again, the movie or fantasy becomes a sexual need. It may also stand in the way of any true intimacy. One may use this portion of porn to fantasize even while having sex with someone he or she loves. This is an addiction, not to porn, but to fantasy.

This is why I speak of the difference between an organic bodily need and a thought. Because each need has to addressed differently. The thought is more likely to be attached to a fantasy or a protective mechanism, which is often known as an Internal Family Member, trying to keep you safe from something terrible you experienced as a child. (Check out other blogs on my site about this Internal Family Systems.)

The only way out of this kind of mind addiction is to force yourself not to retreat from the present or NOW. Pinch yourself. Listen to your breath. Feel the touch of your clothes on your body. Look into the eyes of the one you love while you are intimate.

If you can’t climax, don’t worry about it. You will eventually. Don’t get frustrated with the process. Reprogramming the brain is a tedious process. It doesn’t happen overnight.

As far as the fantasy I was thinking about—I had a sexually abusive past and an alcoholic father. So, I would always fantasize about my knight in shining armor coming to rescue me from all of the abuse. He was a specific type—tall, muscular, handsome but tough, and always able to satisfy every need and desire. He would carry me away and protect me.

When a gentleman of that type walks by me now, the attachment to that fantasy still slips through my mind, even though I may be happy and perfectly content with my life, which is my reality, right now. So, when the fantasy presented itself this morning, I asked myself this very important question: “Bo, are you unsatisfied with your life or your intimate partner?”

My answer to myself was, “Absolutely not!”

Then I said to my mind and directly to the fantasy: “Then, there is no need to fantasize about something that is unreal or unrealistic. You don’t know that person, you don’t know if he is mean, has bad breath, is nurturing, loving, or kind. He probably is not any kind of knight and certainly is not able to save you by any sexual act. You know nothing of that person, but what you see as a type. Types are dreams. They are not real.”

By that time, in my self-talk, the fantasy had withered away. The Buddhists have another great method of laying a fantasy to rest. They suggest to imagine the person of interest being completely human—dirty, getting older, going to the bathroom, getting fat, vomiting, or dying. Use anything that takes that fantasy into the reality of humanness. It works every time. But you have to be persistent with your mind.

Remember, those attachment thoughts coming up from the past as fantasy are likely to be in your life for a long time. You have to get used to teaching your thoughts and your deductive mind the truth, as you would a young child with a bad habit. Eventually, you will win. But don’t be discouraged, if at a time of distress, you drop back into the old pattern. Every time you start over, you get stronger.

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Below is information that I will be sharing for about a month, as not every person on my list reads the blog every day. If you have already read it, just skip over it. Thanks for understanding.

A Year to CLEAR Challenge:

(Please Know: You Can Join Us At Any Point in the Year Challenge.)

The masses search outward for things that qualify them as a person, but I always go inward for that which quantifies me for greatness. At twenty-five I preached on street corners in NYC as an in-the-closet Pentecostal minister. One day I heard a still small voice say, ‘God cannot be contained in a book or a law or even in a religion. Dig deeper, reach further to find me, and you will find your authentic Self.’”

A Year to CLEAR Challenge!

The acronym CLEAR stands for (Compassionate, Loving, Enthusiastic, And Relationship-Ready). The goal of this project is to engulf readers in a weekly study that will transform them by removing blocks, promote self-growth, and give them wings to fly freely into daily life. Each week, by going to BoSebastian.com and choosing the Year to CLEAR Challenge tab, a new challenge or thought to provoke conversation, growth, and group functionality.

My vision is to make Finding Authentic You the book to have in your Kindle or on your computer. The book is a comprehensive look at growth—spiritually, mentally, and physically.

As a yoga teacher and student of the Ayurvedic tradition, I bring to the table understanding of physical challenges, the ability to overcome mental problems with Life & Health Coaching, as well as hypnotherapy, and expertise in meditation and spirituality as a minister.

The combination of all three in one book with an interactive connection to like-minded readers, for one year, is what makes this Year to CLEAR Challenge a must-do for every spiritual seeker.

The One-Year Approach to Change

No one believes he or she can change overnight. But success in change comes from the metaphors of nature. Seasonally, life changes all around us in nature. Finding Authentic You offers a gradual change perspective, looking at the triune aspects of change as in yoga: Body, Mind and Spirit.

Accessing the ability to change and finding yourself actually pursuing change must be a daily search, which I call getting to the “observer mind.”

In this frontal cortex of the brain we find the anatomy of change and the power to counter every negative trigger of the human process. The workings of Hypnosis, NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are all positive actions to help the mind and body flow to a positive space for change.

Every aspect of FINDING AUTHENTIC YOU fulfills this constant need for diffusing the negative past and dreaming of a fulfilling future.

Step 1: Recognize That Change is Inevitable

Step 2: Release from Resistance to Change

Step 3: Understanding Change and Allow Spirit to Define It

Step 4: A History Lesson—About You

Step 5: Look at Your Past with Compassion

Step 6: Making a Strong Commitment to Change

Step 7: Dream Your Fabulous Future

Go to www.bosebastian.com for Week One Challenge:

TOOLS FOR CHANGE:

Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com

·       Introduction to Meditation

·       Smoke Cessation mp3

·       Weight Loss mp3

·       Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3

·       Insomnia mp3

·       Eternal Om mp3

·       Meditation Music mp3

·       Guide to Meditation mp3

·       Healing the Body mp3

·       And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for your download purchase.

Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day.  I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header. Also, be looking for “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) in Early 2014. Thanks!