“As One of Your Servants!” #addiction #prodigalson #forgiveness #whatstrending #hittingbottom #spiritualliving

By midlife, almost everyone has had the divine pleasure of having an addict somewhere in his/her life. It’s no fun—not at all! Addiction is one of the hardest struggles in life, actually, more for those who are around the addict, than the one struggling with the problem; especially, when is the parent of an addict.

I have a few addicts in my family and grew up with one, as well. So, unlearning how to be a codependent was my challenge in life. I, still, catch myself mixed up in someone else’s problems and have to step back. We can all learn a lesson about addiction from a simple story in the Christian bible. I’m going to tell the story as if it were happening today:

The wealthy owner of a large manufacturing company has two children, a daughter and a son. Her husband died, so the mother has many servants helping with the children, who are now older teenagers and able to do many things on their own, including help out with the housework and tend to some of the work at the factory. The eldest of the two children decides she wants to follow in her mother’s footsteps and asks for a position at the company, which she does with great care and expertise.

The younger of the two children, with a little investigative work, discovers that he has a trust fund and the funds have become available to him at the age of eighteen for one million dollars. He tells his mother that, instead of working for the company, I want to take my inheritance and go see the world. Without any argument, the son leaves. For three years he doesn’t contact his mother or his sister. They don’t even know if he is alive.

The youngest son uses all of his money traveling and drinking and buying extravagant gifts for men and women, because he wanted to indulge in every part of life. He ends up depleting his entire inheritance at the end of two years and finds himself in South Africa having no money to eat. He steals a piece of fruit and ends up in jail, where he has to clean pigpens for one entire year. The food he eats there is what the jailer gives to feed the pigs.

Everyday the younger son finds himself dreaming about home. But, he can’t imagine his mother forgiving him for wasting a million dollars. He thinks, even the servants at my mother’s home have more than I do. I will go back to her and tell her I will work as a servant for her, because I don’t deserve to be her son.

So, after he pays his dues and gets out of jail, he works very hard to get a job on a freight ship where he can return home. He doesn’t even have enough money to get from the seaport to his home, so he hitchhikes. When a strange car pulls up in front of his mother’s mansion, the servants become suspicious. They all grab their guns and go to the front door, waiting for the unexpected visitor.

When the servants discover it is the youngest child, now bearded and with long, dirty hair, they embrace him and tend to his every needs. The head servant immediately calls the mother, who rushes home to see her lost son, whom, at this point, she thought was dead. The mother is so happy to see her son that she invites all of her son’s old friends and her own relatives to the house for a party that evening, sparing no expense.

When the elder of the two children comes home from a hard day of work at the factory, the party has already commenced. She asks one of the servants why the mother is throwing a party. The servant responds, “Your brother has come home!”

What I want you do today, is think about two things: 1). What would you do if you were the sister and how would you feel about your brother’s return? 2). What would you do if you were the mother? You are also welcome to respond on my blog site or on Facebook, if you like.

Tomorrow, I’ll discuss both.

Today's featured book is my Gluten-Free Cookbook.  It's a book birthed from my own physical path toward a healthier mind and body. I guarantee you'll love the easy "under 30-minute recipes." Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you'll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels,  Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

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A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

Patterns That I Face Everyday #codependency

We have often heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. This is a pattern. For example: I begin a new job and, immediately, don’t like how the boss treats me. I complain to others around me. People always persecute me. Why can’t I find a job where others treat me fairly?

If this pattern happens over and over again, you probably are living in an old story that needs changing. You could also use a new way of looking at this picture. I had a friend who would always found a reason to quit a job after only a month or two. Sometimes, she would be everyone’s favorite person at her new employment for the first few months, because ultimately she was a hard worker. Then, suddenly, her boss would persecute her again. Often, she would have to take her problems to human resources and sometimes to the police. If it wasn’t sexual harassment (she was gay) then it was others getting her hours.

She had a mother who tried hard to support her. This was one of those symbiotic relationships that continued until my friend was about 35. The mother nurtured and loved her child beyond the scope of reason. She needed her daughter’s love and approval to co-exist, so she bent the rules where her daughter was concerned, often giving her money when she needed it. What her mother didn’t understand for a long time was that her daughter needed psychological help and that she had been corroborating with her own child to enable her, never to heal her issues.

Eventually, the daughter’s alcoholism and drug abused got to the point that she became volatile and angry, not only making it impossible to gain employ, but also causing issues with the mother’s family life. The mother finally cut off her daughter. The daughter had no more patterns to fall back to. Eventually, she got the help she needed to break her old habits. But, she had to release the pattern of dependency and codependency to make this happen.

Patterns in our life are like programs on a computer. They run like a mainframe on the computer—in the background—and often don’t present as a problem until its too late. So, we have to look at negative patterns in our lives to help cue us to our deepest problems inside the mechanism of our own brains. This would be like noticing that the printouts from your printer are slightly eschewed. Eventually, you need to change the ink cartridge or the alignment to make the copies appear correct. You wouldn’t continue to tear up the printouts. You would look for the problem that caused them.

This is the same issue with life. When you see a pattern in your life that looks wrong or continues in a negative way, you must look for the problem at the source, not blame it on the paper or the resulting printout. When you do this, you begin to take a look at your own life with a little distance. An omniscient perspective is always a much healthier one to gain a much needed change in attitude.

 

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

* * *

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

Welcome to the Betty Ford for Relationship Addicts

Welcome to the Betty Ford for Relationship Addicts

If I were to dilute relationships down to its main ingredient, I would say that they serve one purpose mainly: to give a mirror to see our own faults!

I almost lost a friendship once because the friend said I spent far too much time talking about my relationship than was comfortable for him. The funny thing is that we used to date. But I get what he was talking about. Some people spend their entire lives thinking about one thing and one thing only: marriage. Then, once they get married, all they talk about is the problems that they have in it.

Relationships are a full-time job. Not one person exists that has had a relationship can tell you any different. I was just thinking yesterday about the percentage of people who have given up the pursuit of their own dreams for the sake of relationship, family and children. I bet it’s more than 75% of society. Most people have an ideal in their minds about family and what they want it to look like. Their picture is usually vastly different than the childhood they had, because not too many of us grew up in healthy families. But this image takes over. Eventually, kids take one parent giving up his/her entire life just to drive children around to all their activities.

I had a vocal student who had four brothers and sisters. Her grandmother was paying for her vocal lessons, but her mother never had the time to work and take her to the lessons. After missing about four lessons, she ended up giving up a beautiful career because the parents were too busy to accommodate her lessons. This was one of those children who absolutely knew without a shadow of a doubt had a stellar voice. I hope one day, she’ll come back or find it.

But, truly, the story was about how busy her mother was. She had so many children she couldn’t have a job and take care of all the things they needed to do, even if someone paid for it.

I also see many empty nesters who struggle after a child or children have all left the home. If they can’t fill their lives up with their own children, they beg their kids to have grandbabies so they continue to do what they do best, be support instead of pursuing their own dreams.

I’m not saying being a parent isn’t a calling in itself. But I’ve talked to 100s, if not 1000s of parents, who have deep regret that they spent their entire lives catering to, sometimes, children who expect, expect, expect. And now all they have left is a rotten image of what they thought could have been a picture of perfection. You can raise a child with every moral you have, and still that child may choose to be the exact opposite. Children are in no way a safe place to put your future and abandon your dreams.

The good news is that there is never a time when it is too late to do something about this. If you are struggling as a parent or not doing what you love, there can be a way to undo the damage and find something better. You may have to work your butt off and go to college at night or online while you are working a full-time job. But great dreams are made of hard work. Never stop trying to be authentic!

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.  And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Understanding Your Underlying Intentions

Understanding Your Underlying Intentions

There was a time in my life when I would see a person whom I thought was a little out of my league. I would set my sights on dating this person. Then I would try to find ways to prove that I was a better person than all the other people he or she was dating at the time. I would cook meals. I would give massages. I would take care of dogs when he/she was away. I would provide rides to doctors, airports, car maintenance. I would be a better friend and partner than this person had ever known, without asking for anything in return. In other words, I would show that part of me that is a complete and total caregiver.

So, when the person would eventually fall for me—which often happened—because of all the tremendous good I brought to his/her life, I now had placed myself in a role of complete codependency. Usually the person was an avoidant personality, not even looking for relationship. I had to convince the person that I was the ideal mate by only being available when he/she had time. I had to repress all signs of need during the dating process to keep the person interest and free from fear of running away.

Of course, my insides would be thinking, when I get this person in a committed relationship, I can be myself. There will be time to help this person see that he/she, too, can learn to be a giver. But it never turned out that way. Avoidant or narcissistic people tend to not change behavior very easily. When I think about it, why should they? I showed them a picture of a relationship that was ideal for their lifestyle. I would be there for them whenever they needed me, and they pretty much just had to provide a modicum of intimacy and be arm candy in return. I took care of all the rest.

Damn, when I look back at my life and look at the picture of what I had created over and over again, I want to pull my hair out and scream. Is it any wonder none of my relationships ended up working out? Eventually, the person who is the needy one—me—grows up and realizes he/she doesn’t need to be extorted to be valuable in anybody’s life.

But here’s the thing, my friends, this behavior doesn’t come from adult neediness. It comes from attachment issues as a child. You have to begin to understand where your anxiety for attachment started to really repair the problems that were created in your psycho-genetics.

I know for certain that when my mother left my father when I was in third grade that there was a need for two things, a compassionate loving woman, and a masculine love that I had no idea how to get. I had neither and could gain either by being idle. I cooked dinner for six children and my father. I baked bread and cupcakes for lunches for all the children almost every day. I went grocery shopping, carefully tallying every cent spent, so that there would be ample food for every day; otherwise, we would be left eating “hot rock soup” at the end of the two week pay period. And this was when I was 10-13 years old. I learned to be a great piano player and singer to impress my father and his friends, because I knew I would never excel in sports, where his interests were. I carried a 4.0 in high school for two reasons: I wanted the hell out of that home, and I wanted to always have a reason to have my father’s praise. “Be the best, be perfect, do more than everyone else in the family, and then you will get noticed.”

Did it work? Yes, most of the time. Did I end up with Dad’s love? At the beginning, but then I ended up his worst enemy when he discovered I was gay by reading a personal letter to my sister Cheri. Years went by before he would even say he loved me. Again, the work for love and to impress started. I began to create a life that was bigger than all the other kids in my family, more money, better cars, more schooling, more accolades, nicer everything. I wanted him to see that I was worthy.

Or was I was just trying to prove to myself that I was worthy? It came down to understand that point and that point alone.

When I saw that the entire process of trying to impress him, the dates in my life, and friends, I realized that my life was a sham. I had to start over and let go of everything that I thought mattered and begin assessing what was authentic and real in my life, including every relationship to everything in my life: work, friends, partners, things, my art, and my writing. Everything had to go through a major ego-dissemination transformation. This is what made me drop my writing contract and begin writing my “Finding Authentic You” blog. It was simple. It was from my heart. And it had no preconceived ideas about what it may lead to. It was a commitment to my own soul to do something for God and those reading it. That’s it.

As for singing and performing, last week was the first time I sang for over a year. It felt good to be unattached to the results. The more unattached I felt, the better I sang and performed. The end revelation was perfect and pure. I want more of that in my life. You can’t ask for more than two standing ovations with people yelling and whooping.

As for relationships, I want only those in my life who accept me for all of me—my faults and my good. Part of that responsibility is on me. I have to not be afraid to show my vulnerability and my weaknesses at the beginning of relationships. I also can’t lead with dependent kinds of behavior. Dependency happens naturally in any secure relationship when it is established with mutual giving.

Remember, you only have to be what you are. Growing through your trials and old relationships to be a better person is a great thing. I look at mistakes as a perfect opportunity to get life right. I hope this next person in my life is ready. I have so much good and insight to bring to the table. They better know they are going to be blessed!

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.  And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.