I have been in a long-term relationships. Probably, if two of my relationships had been in a time when gay people were allowed to marry, I would have been a spouse. However, despite the amount of understanding I had gained from being in a live-in, long-term relationship, I never really understood love until I continued to have compassion and love, even though I couldn’t and didn’t understand the choice of my partner.
People make decisions in many ways. Sometimes a decision is made quickly, sometimes slowly and painfully, sometimes with graphs and spreadsheets. But, inherently, when life hands you a decision that involves emotions, we react in three different ways:
- avoidantly,
- anxiously, or
- securely.
If you do not understand the qualities of the human psyche, you may look at a partner’s decision as unfathomable, odd or even crazy. But true love takes none of that into consideration, especially when the decision does not involve the relationship. If the decision is a personal one, such as, which presidential candidate to endorse, a career change, or letting go of a long-standing friendship—these are all personal. What part of decision-making actually involves the other partner or spouse?
Many couples get into big trouble when one spouse tries to control the personal life and decisions of the other spouse; especially in the areas I have referred to above. Love has never been about “understanding” another person. Love is always about being “compassionate” in the face of not understanding.
True love is rare in these days. I feel fortunate to count myself among the few who have a relationship with his best friend, confident, and prayer partner. When all of these come together into a place where you also find a physical attraction, you have hit the jackpot! Why is this so?
We all desire to have in relationship:
- the strength of a friendship;
- the compassion of a mother;
- a solid, visceral physical attraction; and
- mostly the desire to spend time telling each other truths that you don’t feel free to share with anyone else in the world.
These special qualities in a marital or long-term relationships are paramount to success and ultimately to happiness.
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Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I've been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.
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Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.
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Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]
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