Set Your Vision Bigger Than Your Relationship #relationship #relationshipadvice

First of all, though it may seem like a large endeavor to create a home and family, a vision that is simply family will only be family. If you set out to create a bigger, healthier, and more intimate partnership along the path of creating a family, you will be more apt to go back to the drawing board when your relationship starts to spin out of orbit.

For instance, if you just had two children back to back, or adopted children, then immediately, you have the added pressure of having a child or children with you almost every moment of every day. If you just assume that intimate moments with your partner are not on the table because of being too busy, your vision becomes too small. You lose one part of your vision for another. Sacrifice is inevitable with children, but total sacrifice of your needs doesn’t help a child see the very important aspects of a healthy ego, and will support the child to become narcissistic, by getting everything he/she needs when the child asks. This just isn’t how life works, so why teach a child to expect everything in the moment he/she asks for it?

Of course, I’m not saying ignore your child, but healthy boundaries for your needs are very important for a child to see, not just hear. So, now, as you put your child to bed at eight, you make a date with your partner or spouse to have close, intimate time. I promise, if you don’t do this, you will end up feeling empty and without a partner. We enter into relationship with the expectation that we will have the comfort and security of the person we vowed to honor. Forsaking the very dream we set out to have is not good for anyone in the family, including the children.

Parents who think that children don’t inherently absorb the vibrations of animosity or a loving commitment are deluded. Children experience more by example. So, being authentic in a loving relationship is the most important part of helping a child gain the needed attachment for a loving relationship as an adult. Because we may have had unhealthy attachments as children, we need to make special efforts to create for our children what we didn’t experience.

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