Refried Beans and Poppycock #nostalgia #family #secureattachment

I come from a large Italian family, rich with food I can’t spell, tons of siblings and relatives, and a culture that values the art of loving and laughing. As I have moved through life—and sometimes far away from relatives—I had always thought that family was surrogate, loving friends who were in the same boat as I—a far distance from relatives. This homemade family had birthdays, holidays, and wept together during the hard times—all things your blood relative usually provide.

Now that I’m a stone’s throw away from three sisters and a mom, I sat excited about my family’s weekly game night. I realized that I had rather be sitting in that hard wooden chair surrounded by my family than anywhere else in the world. I looked around the table at three generations of friends. They are not just family, but my best and most secure friends. We ate and laughed for four hours, as we often do. Each time we get together, I’m completely in the moment.

I’m glad I took the opportunity to rediscover my family, kind of like refried beans. They are cooked a few times, looking kind of squished and mutilated, but taste crispy around the edges, full of flavor, spread easily, and taste familiar. What I hadn’t realized about moving near family was the security they would provide for my heart.

I have often written about the three kinds of attachments in Attachment Theory. Anxious attachment comes from a lack of secure connection, first with family, then usually exposing itself in personal relationships. If the dynamics of family is right, then it could provide the needed secure attachment you may have been looking for in personal relationships your entire life, as I have. I notice, now, that instead of thinking about meeting someone to spend my life with, I think—if it happens, it happens. For me, that’s a great place to be, mostly because I have been the kind of man who wanted relationship so badly that I rushed in and made many mistakes.

Last night, my twenty-eight-year-old nephew, who is the straight clone of me, introduced the family to this new popcorn that had cheese corn and caramel corn mixed together. We all tore through the bag like ravenous pigs. The taste reminded me of Poppycock, which is equally as addictive. As we were all stealing handfuls of this popcorn from each other’s separate bowls, I realized how life provides something new and wonderful at each moment if I am observant.

I commit to spending the rest of this life simply aware. This is my new goal. As I become more securely attached, I spend more and more time simply being and enjoying life. What a lovely way to live.

 

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

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A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

Relatives, Family, and #Thanksgiving

When my mother asked me if she could move in with me, eight years ago, I knew my life would change. How it would change was up to her and I. We had spent the majority of our lives separated, sometimes one thousand miles away. As far as the rest of my family, we have also spent years separated from each other. Now, however, in a time of Thanksgiving, this will be the first time my closest sisters, family members, and my mother will spend the holidays together. Planning the days are special to all of us, as we each are contributing to dinners and times together that will create an entirely new family dynamic.

I have to tell you how thankful I am for the opportunity, at this point in my life, to be near so much love and grace. Most people go through many different growing spurts with family members. Sometimes we leave family to understand ourselves better. Sometimes we separate because of unhealthy relationships. Other times, we come together again, only to find that old patterns never change. However, I want to invite you to a new paradigm during this holiday.

Yes, it takes two people to change a relationship. However, it takes only one to change his/her point of view about any relationship. When I realized that living with my mother could heal the relationship that probably had affected every intimate relationship in my life, I knew that I had to commit to healing the relationship with my mother. I had to become transparent with her and let her know my hurts and allow her to be a part of my personal healing process.

As I did so, my mother intuitively began to nurture my heart in ways I didn’t realize would help my healing. The two people who love me the most in my life are family members. Unconditional love supersedes anything I have ever felt before.

As a result of feeling this family love, I have titrated from caustics relationship (some of them are family, some are friends) and allowed new friendships to bud and bloom in a slow and beautiful way in my life. I sew the seeds; God grows the plant.

On this Thanksgiving holiday, choose a new way. Change your story and perspective about family members. See this time as an opportunity to heal, instead of recapitulate old stories and old beliefs. Know that you have within your mind and heart to create new relationships today and this coming week. I know this for you and for me now.

Happy Holiday!

A Cookbook, a Novel, a children's book, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for your family members and friends and support another friend in the process! Thank you and happy Holidays! --Bo

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Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

A Surrogate Member of the Family #family #extendedfamily #footsoldierforGod

A Surrogate Member of the Family
#family #extendedfamily #footsoldierforGod

Yesterday, I had been invited by one of my best friends to be with her family as a mother and four daughters grieved the death of their beloved father during the viewing and funeral. Before I departed for the small town about 45 minutes away from me, I chiseled out some quiet time after my usual yoga practice and sat to listen for any guidance. The words I heard in my heart were: “Be still and let the family lean on you. Those simple words didn’t seem to mean that much in the moment, but as the day progressed, I understood completely why I had been given that profound message.

When I arrived at the funeral home, I immediately saw the partner of my dear friend. They are a lesbian couple in the midst of a very traditional family, which I thought quite interesting, especially in this small town. I hugged the girlfriend and proceeded inside to find the woman whose father died. She was standing in the midst of the chaos, still and poised. I went over to her, waited for her to finish a conversation with an elderly man, and then gave her the biggest hug. I could tell, right away, that she was relieved to see me, as she sighed and released some of her anxiety while we hugged.

Remembering the words of spirit, though I felt as if I was intruding into something so personal, I asked permission to stay close to her. She responded, “Absolutely. In fact, I wish you would sit with the family during the funeral. Take a seat close to the front. When they usher the family in, I’ll motion to you to come and join us.”
I had never met her father, and I wanted to see what he looked like without getting too close to the casket, because I didn’t want to appear jaded and without grief. In that instance, one of the sisters of my friend hugged me. She had been a yoga student. We talked for a moment, then I went back to sit with my friend and her partner, until I was politely ushered into the chapel, so the family could have their final moments.

In the chapel, I sat with my eyes closed, near the front as asked, and listened to the beautiful and haunting music. In a few minutes the tearful family walked in. Just as she had said, my friend waved to me to sit between her and her youngest sister, who I barely remember meeting. I’m sure the entire family and friends were thinking, what is that unfamiliar man doing sitting with the family?

So, there I was between my tearful friend and a very distraught youngest sister, who was Daddy’s favorite. As I sat there, I felt as if I was not just a surrogate family member, but I was taking the place of the compassionate father in that instance. Many moments happened during the service when I reached over to the youngest sister to comfort her, and she fell into my embrace as if I had been her best friend for years. My dear buddy mostly held my hand during the service. It was then that I had realized that being God’s steadfast leaning post was a divine blessing to the family. Later, the youngest daughter told me I had been the perfect person to sit next to her, as she felt I was able to provide the comfort she needed. My friend was very thankful as well.

My insight is this: Sometimes we are to be the “Crystal in the Chaos” for God. We don’t have to be much. We must, however, just offer our humanness as a conduit for Spirit to use as needed. Yesterday, I was honored to be a compassionate foot soldier in the divine army of God.

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Finding Authentic You is my brand and is also a self-help guide, which I wrote, with 365 Discoveries, meant to aid you in facilitating some of life’s most difficult challenges, like sleep, anxiety, spiritual guidance, and relationship problems. But, the discoveries also lead you to what you believe spiritually, understanding your goals, learning to believe in your self, discovering the most distinct you, unlocking all of your negative thinking, and helping you replace it with positive, creative thought using many different modalities, including hypnosis, prayer, and psychology.

For much more information about finding out about the psychology of the human mind and being your authentic self, self-love, and self-esteem, check out my new book below.
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* Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-445-8861 or www.BoSebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.

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