“Girlfriend of Bill” #alanon #recovery #addiction

A friend of mine, Karen Nagy, wrote a very important book: Girlfriend of Bill: 12 Things You need to Know about Dating Someone in Recovery. I spent many days looking at the book, as it sat next to my bed in my cue. Even though I’m not a girl, I felt as though some instinct nudged me to read it. I actually didn’t even know that it dealt with a problem I just began to resolve in my mind. I recently released a budding relationship, because of a Meth addiction that I was unaware of. So, the content was important.

If you had never heard of the phrase “Friend of Bill,” alcoholics use it to keep anonymity at parties and social gatherings, while revealing their proclivity to addiction. As long as I have been dealing with addiction in my family and with clients, I had never heard someone speak this phrase, or it fell under the radar, where it belonged. In fact, I had to make a great distinction, of late, between helping addicts and befriending and dating them.

I had this amazing pal Kati (name changed to protect her) for ten years. We spoke every day, walked our dogs together, shared our problems, and knew everything about each other. But, what I didn’t know, was that, one day, she would simply disappear from my life without even a word. The reason she left, I heard years later, was because she began drinking again after 20 years sober.

The guy I mentioned at the top of this Discovery also disappeared for a week. In fact, disappearing and avoiding is something you can expect from an addict, usually in the early stages of getting sober. However, when an addict relapses, he or she must go back to Day One again, and again… and again! One of my dearest friends in the world is sober 18 years. I call him my brother. My family calls him a brother. My mother calls him a son. Yet, in the many years of our friendship, the one thing I’m absolutely sure of about addiction is: No matter how much a person tries to be sober with not drinking or using a drug, the psychology of an addict stays the same.

What Ms. Nagy does in this book is help you learn the language and mental temperament of an addictive person. Her technique is spot on, because she uses her own revelations, while dating an addict, to prove her point. I feel this book could be a great help to many people. You can count on one of twelve adults being an addict. When I use this term addict, it includes all people in 12 Steps, sober or in their addiction.

Friends of Bill are all around you, especially in certain social pockets. You are likely to have dated one, married one, or have a child or friend who is one. If you can get this book into the hands of someone who may be dealing with relating to someone as this, it would be a great gift.

 

If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and "being gay" defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

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Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

Midnight at the Betty Ford - A Closer Look at Addiction

Midnight at the Betty Ford Clinic

There’s a dim light in the hallway coming from the nurses’ station halfway up the corridor. My room is filled with people—imaginary people—because I have been on shut down from outside visitors for over two weeks. Why? Because every time I see a familiar face from my past. I go into hysterical outbursts about how friggin’ angry I am about life and how God doesn’t care about me or anything that happens to me. The doctors here actually put a lock on my door. Said I was bothering the other –aholics. Really? My anger is bothering other people? I thought that’s why we were here to get to the end of this mess we call the ugly past.

Ugh, I can’t sleep again. I lie awake all night throwing a damn rubber ball against the ceiling and catching it. When I get tired of that, I throw it against the wall and catch it. The sons-a-bitches even took away my TV. Said that I wasn’t focusing in on my problems. I was deflecting, reflecting, diverting… who knows. All I can think about is a drink.

I sweat when I think about a drink. It’s as if my body remembers the warm rush it gets when my neurotic brain goes on a vacation and I get to rest for a few hours and fall into blank space. I want that now, but no one will let me have that. Why won’t they give me the only thing that will make me happy? Why?

It’s three minutes after midnight. I begin doing all the work I am supposed to do when I feel the urge for a drink. I take some deep breaths. I utter those hard-to-say affirmations that make my skin crawl, because I can’t believe anything good about myself. I have moved my eyeballs from left to right over and over until they scratch from dryness. I have tapped the different parts of my body while I repeated, “I’m okay and in God’s loving hands!”

Now, I’m actually feeling a bit better—calmer. I can’t believe it, but I am feeling better. My mind isn’t in a loop like it was. I can feel the bed underneath me supporting me. It feels solid and strong. I sense the walls around me as a secure place, not a prison. I will be okay. I close my eyes and rest falls over me.

3:00 A.M.

I’m wide awake again. I don’t know if someone just walked down the hall, or if I was just imaging it. But I was frightened. I grabbed my pillow. The sound brought back a feeling I don’t want to face alone, not tonight. Maybe I can talk about it with my counselor in the morning. For the first time since I’ve been here, I was glad I had someone to talk to about what was coming up.

I breathed deeply again. I can feel my chest pounding. I try to count my breath as I was taught. Six counts in and six counts out. Even breath makes my brain think I’m okay, stable, calm. It will help me sleep. I’m alone and safe. My door is locked. Again, I fall into silence.

7 A.M.

A nurse wakes me up to go for breakfast and a morning walk with a therapy group. I’m comforted by routine. We do this five mornings a week. Routine is good. Being with other people is good. I’m getting better. I’m getting better. It takes times, but with God and the love of my friends and family, I’m getting better!

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to Quit Smoking, Lose Weight with the new Lap Band-Hypnosis, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

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