You Are One With Your Ex
A spiritual theory exists that declares we all are one on some
level of existence. You are not only one with God, but one with your neighbor,
your parents, your friends, and even more interestingly—your enemies and your
exes. If this is so, then we have got a great deal of reframing to do; and I
don’t mean reframing pictures or cutting out exes from photos and pasting a
snapshot of your dog over his face.
This theory came up when I was thinking about the anger that
I have faced when exes have either broken up with me or did something heinous
that caused me to break up with them. My thought process was: if we are all one
in harmony with universal purpose, if everyone in our lives has a storyline
that was defined before we came to this earth, then there is a perfectly good
reason why I spent the last ??? years of my life with this person who has
broken my heart. If this is true, then I had better figure out what his role is
or I may have to go on rehearsing this drama for the rest of my human life.
Trust me, I don’t like traumatic energy, nor do I want it in my life.
I don’t think we can simply clear our lives of drama if we
are actively seeking any kind of relationship. Relationships, inherently, cause
issues that often lead to drama because they are all heart related. Even being “one”
with someone in the cosmos somewhere spiritually doesn’t mean we are compliant
with their every human instinct.
When we first start going out with someone, we look past a
lot of flaws, because we sense a oneness that overwhelms us. Then, as we
continue in the relationship, and perhaps begin spending days together, we see
things that are not compatible with what we are used to or enjoy. When this
happens, we either have to bite our tongues and live with it, or say something
that may cause some friction.
A healthy relationship can endure these minor changes and
fluctuations in behavior, but one that is not established in true compassion
and love, usually can’t. (However, there are times when someone’s living
conditions just will never be compatible with yours. In these cases, you have
to either move on or live in separate abodes.) Personally, when I get to an impasse
that indicates there is no way we could ever live together, I generally move
on, because I really desire to live with my partner eventually. I want to make
a home together, which is a part of my life long dream.
What I’ve learned about human relationships after coaching
so many people in disastrous marriages is that some things are just not worth working
through. Sometimes you have to move on especially when dealing with
narcissistic attitudes and belief systems that are completely opposite.
When that happens and relationship ends, your next step is
to make amends with yourself for all the reasons you had to retract your vows
from the person you thought you wanted to pursue love with. You have to forgive
yourself; but more importantly forgive the person who has moved on. That person
is responsible for very strong and effective change in your life. He or she has
made your life better in some way, because he has taught you the hard lessons
of life that have carved out the better “you” in the end.
Eventually, you have to forgive that person and learn to
live with the idea that he or she has helped you on your path to your true
spiritual purpose and authentic life. That is what we’re living for, right?
* * *
Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health
Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New
Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at
615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.
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